"YOU are ... what you are seeking!"

i got up this morning -- which seems a million hours ago already -- almost bursting with uncontainable energy ... and with that old song "To Wait For Love" in my head.... 

Every day without love
Is a day of sorrow
Don't wait for tomorrow
To wait for love is just
To waste your life away...

it's another Hal David / Burt Bacharach song, from the formative years of my life.  i've been swimming in Hal David / Burt Bacharach tunes lately -- and have just come to realize the GREAT extent to which they pervaded the popular-music scene during those years!  the number of blockbuster hits they had, and the unforettable-ness of those tunes, is mind-boggling even now!

there it was, cranking out of me this morning ---

Dreams come true, and if you
Get too far behind them
Someone else will find them
To wait for love is just
To waste your life away...

i jumped out of bed, washed my face, fired up the computer, answered a few emails, then got the bike ready and headed for downtown -- just as Mr. Chainsaw Massacre was arriving and ready for more chainsawing.  it's been raining so steadily, ever since the arrival of the New Year, his deforestation project has been stymied; but this morning there was a break in the rain -- as i write this at 1:17 p.m., there is actually sunlight cascading down on us! -- so i raced off to Hilo, on the bike, and Mr. Chainsaw fired up his murderous noise-maker and set about his gruesome work again....

the very first note of his deadly serenade was hitting my eardrums just as i coasted out of the driveway....

all the way to town, of course, That Song kept playing internally, and i was whistling and singing it aloud:

So press your lips
Against my lips
And thrill me with the
Warmth of your caress

The time for love is late
So please don't wait
Together, we can
Find our happiness

i was SO happy, and SO together, i didn't need anyone else.  didn't need anything.  perfectly complete and whole and fulfilled.  at one with the world.  just riding the bicycle down to Hilo ... to stop on the way and pick up some money that was coming to me ... then to pick up mail at the Post Office (which turned out to include more money!) ... then a stop at the health food store (tortillas, toilet paper, and a chocolate bar!) ... and, finally, 2 bunches of wonderful Italian parsley (organically grown!) from the Farmers' Market, plus a bag of garlic and a bag of yellow sweet potatoes....

then the ride home -- still thoroughly permeated with The Song -- and, just before arriving, the most remarkable thing: the sun was shining (quite remarkable in itself, after 12 days with hardly a glimpse of it!), and the sky above was BLUE ... and yet RAIN was falling!! (which brought back another David & Bacharach song).  totally amazing  -- very small drops of rain, but the amount was considerable; you could even see it streaking the whole swath of sky.  somehow, it was drifting over to us from some dark clouds clear out over the ocean...!

anyway, it did not dampen my happiness; it was a wonderful thing.  i arrived home, to discover that the sprinkles of rain had flushed Mr. Chainsaw out of the jungle.  he was sitting in his car, in the driveway, his chainsaw silent -- though, unable to tolerate a few moments of quiet, he had the car's radio going.  had the windows open, and even the door, so the whole neighborhood could more easily hum along with him.  except that there was nothing hum-able; just the deadening thump-thump-thump of the monotonous bass, in that angry sludge of tuneless whatever-it-is that passes for music nowadays....

looking at him in his car, i tried to make eye contact, i was going to say hello ... but he wouldn't make the contact.  he never has, any time i've seen him here.  i suppose that's just an integral part of the whole persona that goes with the angry so-called music and the chainsaw melodies....  well, maybe he'll grow out of it : ^ )....

i came inside, started unpacking my treasures, wiped the rain off the bike, had a 2nd and a 3rd bite of the new chocolate bar (the first one having melted in my mouth on the ride home!), fired up the computer, etc, etc....  and soon Mr. Chainsaw was back at his noise-making.  then, a blissful reprieve, punctuated only by the chop-chop-chop of his machete, cutting down whole, big, banana trees (which are not trees, actually -- did you know that? -- the banana is a GRASS!!), toppling them crashingly into the back yard of the next-door neighbor...!

he's been awfully quiet now for quite some time -- and i was just about to write, "i can't imagine what he's up to..." -- ah, but now we have the comforting familiarity of his darling chainsaw, singing its heart out again....

meanwhile, i have lots more work to do on the froggie site....

feeling so good today, regardless of the chainsaw -- and lit from inside by a beautiful-feeling revelation, which came to me this morning, along with the Love song -- that i wanted to quote something from my newest friend here at zaadz, Michael....  just a few words ... but very helpful ones, it seems to me.  he says:

"Remember.... you are what you are seeking"


update:
later in the afternoon, my sun-starved body was clamoring so much to be outside, i neglected the website work; went for a walk and lay down on the grass in one of the parks, to absorb the beautiful sunlight!  and then ... again, as earlier in the day, rain started falling from an apparently-clear patch of sky!!  i was lying there on my back, looking straight up into clear sky, and getting pelted, again, by lots of very small raindrops!  they were coming at a considerable angle -- obviously from some dark clouds way behind me...!

i just lay there smiling and letting them come, letting them sparkle in the sunlight on their way down -- smiling especially, because i felt they were a confirmation of the revelation i had awoken with in the morning....